It’s a quiet Friday morning, and I find myself curled up on the couch with our favorite brown fluffy blanket, watching snowflakes out the window. The heater working busily in the background to make up for the freezing temps outside…. It’s a reflection kind of a morning and I find my mind drifting back over snippets of conversations, pieces of books read, and sermons heard… A question lingering in my mind after a recent sermon:
Do you live in open desperation? or in hidden perfection? Do you realize your desperate state for the Lord and realize that with others? Or do you live this life in a pursuit of being perfect, appearing perfect, thinking if only I could be ______. What are you desperate for? Perfection? or Christ?
Unfortunately I find myself often in pursuit of the next thing to perfect me or to do perfectly. My focus seems to be less about growing, changing, renewing, and more about being better, getting “it” right, achieving “it” without flaw. Realizing of course that desiring growth and change is not a bad thing, but to allow it to become a pursuit of perfection implies the belief that you can “arrive” and if you can just get there, all will be right in the world, because you will be doing everything right!
But that is not reality. Neither the possibility of achieving perfection nor the idealistic view that all will be right. Even if you were to be perfect somehow, there would still be sin in the world and sinners living it out. Christ was perfect, yet he was hurt, abused, ridiculed, attacked. He felt hungry, angry, tired. Ultimately perfection in and of itself holds no significant value in our lives. In fact for us it’s main purpose seems to serve pride. Christ handled it with all humility, He didn’t achieve it though, it simply was who He was, as God. But for us, what is our motivation? Equality with God?
Perfection, being perfect, having perfect circumstances, is a false positive in our earthly lives, something we attach our joy to, thinking if only we had “that,” life would be good. But that’s false, a lie; life is what is happening here and now, before us, and if we waste away waiting for the false positives in our lives to be fulfilled, we will miss it. Joy and satisfaction are freely available to us now, today, in these circumstances, with this imperfect self. The beauty and wonder of life is found in the raw, daily, unexpected moments. Our very imperfections make room for real connections, community, freedom, grace, joy, because we are rooted and grounded in Christ, declared to be worthy in his eyes.
These are the thoughts chasing through my mind today…. I don’t want to live a life in pursuit of perfection; I want to live in pursuit of Christ. Openly desperate for him, in all of my imperfections.